My humor piece, “I Yelled at Inanimate Objects for One Week” is up at The Haven.
My poem, “Ode to a Mediocre Man” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “Doorbell Code” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “The Toad Hollow Mystery” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “I Am Being Pressured into Drinking Coffee Despite the Fact that I Loathe Coffee” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “The Council of Elrond, Except the Classism is No Longer Subtextual” is up at The Satirist.
My humor piece, “My Puss” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “The Life and Death of Sir Jonas Brothers” is up at R U Joking.
My humor piece, “Forbidden Fruit: An Exploration of Botanical Fan Fiction” is up at Jane Austen’s Wastebasket.
My humor piece, “Tired of Demure, Uptight Christmas Nuts? You Need Emeton’s Loose Nuts This Holiday Season” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “Our Perfectly Logical Self-Explanatory Admittance Policy” is up at Robot Butt.
My humor piece, “How To Draw Stuff: Part 1 – Drawing a Face” is up at The Haven. [Content Note: I did the illustrations.]
My humor piece, “Do Bananas Exist?” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “So… Are You Still Single?” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “I Was The “Bigfoot” In The 1967 Patterson-Gimlin Film Footage And I Have Something To Say” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “I Will Be Your Fake Canadian Girlfriend If You Will Be My Fake American Boyfriend” is up at The Belladonna.
My short story, “To Break the Liquid Moon” is now out in Issue #164 of The New Quarterly.
My humor piece, “Composting–With Earworms!” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “They Will Come for You with Their Spatulas” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Rules of Etiquette for Our Ladies of Grise-Grays Township Knitting & Sewing Circle” is up at The Belladonna.
My humor piece, “Unpopular Romance Novel Tropes” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Cab Calloway’s Radio Alphabet” is up at The Journal of Compressed Creative Arts.
My humor piece, “Is It Safe to Wear Your Autumn Jacket?” is up at The Belladonna.
My humor piece, “Game of Clue Expansion Pack” is up at The Haven.
My short story, “My Uterus Joined the Circus” is out in the “Audacity Issue” (Issue 45.3) of Room Magazine.
My humor piece, “The Reason I Had to Kill That Man Was Mainly Because of Brahms” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Alt Text for Some Famous Paintings” is up at The Haven.
My poem, “House Style Styles” is out in the Bullshit Lit Volume 1 anthology, edited by Veronica Bennett and published by Bullshit Lit.
My humor piece, “Please Fill in Our Unnecessarily Invasive Medical Questionnaire” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “How to Make a Raisin Pie When You Absolutely Hate Raisins” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Signs Your Wife Has a Secret” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Parents Write Slogans for Some Household Items” is up at Frazzled.
My humor piece, “You Are Cordially Invited to Our Dog-Worming Shower” is up at The Belladonna.
My short story, “The Click” is out in the July/August 2022 issue of The Walrus.
My humor piece, “Zookeeping for Dummies” is up at Defenestration.
My humor piece, “The Definitive ‘Hot or Not?‘” is up at The Belladonna.
My humor piece, “Duck Pants!” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “The 25 Stages Of Writing Comedy, As Chronicled In A Bedside Notebook” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “A Novel, A Short Story, A Memoir, and A Poem Walk Into a Bar” is up at The Rumpus (Funny Women section).
My humor piece, “Bird is the Word” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “I Am Stepping up to Run Garden Club Despite My Complete Lack of Gardening Knowledge” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “Off-Brand Advice Columnists Take Your Questions” is up at The Belladonna Comedy.
My humor piece, “Revenge on a Door & Window Salesman” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “How To Make Friends” is up at 251. [Content Note: This is not advice. Do not feed or eat wolves.]
My poem, “Maps to the Apps” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “This is the Most Personality a Personality Test You Will Ever Take Will Ever Have” is up at Funny-ish.
My humor piece, “Congratulations on your purchase of a Deluxe Jerk Supreme through the Jerks Unlimited Online Market!” is up at Down in the Dingle.
My humor piece, “The MD: The World’s Only Sexually Transmitted Degree” is up at Points in Case.
My short story, “Universal Stick Man Repair Kit” is out in volume 50 (issue 3) of EVENT: Poetry and Prose.
My humor piece, “Doctor Who Alien or Posh Baby Name?” is up at The Haven.
I won first place in The New Yorker Caption Contest (Contest #787). The cartoon is by Tom Toro.
My humor piece, “Slogans for Duck Milk” (originally published at 251) has been reprinted in The American Bystander Issue #21.
My humor piece, “This is the Best Pet Chocolate Éclair FAQ You Will Ever Read” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “I am Imposter Syndrome and I’m in Way over my Head” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “I Traded in My Standing Desk for a Careening-Around-A-Corner Desk and My Productivity Has Soared!” is up at Points in Case. [Content Note: Discussion of weight loss]
My humor piece, “Items We Really Want On Our Wedding Registry In 2021” is up at The Belladonna.
My humor piece, “For Just $100 a Day You Can Sponsor a Billionaire” is up at Functionally Dead.
My humor piece, “Real Accents and How to Do Them” is up at 251.
My poem, “Women Who Run with the Dachshunds” was a semi-finalist for the Jack Grapes Poetry Prize. Full list of winners, finalists, semi-finalists here.
My Halloween-themed humor piece, “I Am the Menacing Voiceover from a Horror Movie Trailer and I’m Just Trying to Order a Pizza” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “Stop Your Spiders Getting Chilly with Octo-Cozy™ Technology” is up at Points in Case. [Content Note: Graphic descriptions of spiders]
My humor piece, “Slogans for Duck Milk” is up at 251.
My flash fiction piece, “The Adventures of Botanist Idaho Brown: Big Plant Hunter” is up at The Junction.
My humor piece, “Ultimate Cage Match: Care Bears vs Actual Bears” is up at The Haven.
My poem, “The Five Stages of Confusion” placed in the top 12 out of 5688 entries, winning an honorable mention in the 2021 Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest.
My humor piece, “Variations on The Floor is Lava Game” is up at 251.
My humor piece, “I Am the Art Director for Bananarama’s ‘Nathan Jones’ Music Video and It is Going to Be Immense!” is up at The Daily Drunk.
My humor piece, “You’re Probably Wondering Why I’m Holding up this Bank with a Greek Pastry” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Best Moments from the All-Female Reboot of “Reservoir Dogs” is up at The Museum of Americana.
My humor piece, “Reviews from the Evil Villains® Dating App” is up at Lady Pieces.
My humor piece, “Prayers for the Non-Religious” is up at Down in the Dingle.
My humor piece, “On Cutting my Hair in Lockdown” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “For Sale: Gently Used Dog Food” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “If Libraries were Run Like Used Car Dealerships” is up at McSweeney’s.
My humor piece, “Afternoon Tea at Arlene Smith’s House: Play-by-Play with Color Commentary” is up at The Belladonna.
My humor piece, “In Defense of Lovey Howell” is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “Archery for Donuts” is up at The Junction.
My humor piece, “The Natural History of the American Businessman” has won an honorable mention in the ThinkingFunny 2021 Humor Writing Contest. The list of all finalists is here.
I have another short joke at Points in Case (scroll down).
My humor piece, “A Common Adage, Revised” is up at 251.
My humor piece, “Games for the Nasally Fixated” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Help, I Live in a Quiet English Village Where Nothing Ever Happens!” is up at McSweeney’s.
My humor piece, “Eleven More Ways to Make Yourself Dour” is up at Down in the Dingle.
My short story, “Gaslight Gourmet” is up at Daily Science Fiction.
My humor piece, “Before I Buy Your Car, I Need to Ask You Some Invasive Questions About the Lifestyle I am About to Purchase” is up at Points in Case. [Content Note: Wiener dogs, pound cake, Salmonella]
My humor piece, “Instructions for Looking after Bergola” is up at The Junction.
I have a short joke up at Points in Case (scroll down).
My humor piece, “Answers to Your Potato Safety Questions” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “Birds Do It. Bees Do It.” is up at 251.
My short story, “The Quantum Chocolatier” is up at Nature.
My humor piece, “Reviews of Products from the Savanna Appliance Company Catalog” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Open Letter to the Paperboy in While You Were Sleeping“ is up at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “Pique for Cats” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “A Real Estate Agent Tries to Sell the Lair of a Bond Villain” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Welcome to our Vegan Abattoir” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Hermits, Unite!” is up at Down in the Dingle.
My humor piece, “‘Does Lava Taste Like Cheese?’ And Other Burning Questions” is up at How Pants Work.
My humor piece, “Cat Emotions: A Photographic Glossary” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Bad Farm Fiction” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “What Your Favorite Salty Snack Says About You” is up at How Pants Work.
My flash fiction piece, “The Slippery Slope of Novelty Socks” is up at Emrys Journal Online.
My humor piece, “80% of Women are Wearing the Wrong Size Cat” is up at Lady Pieces.
My humor piece, “Paul Hollywood Reviews Classic and Popular Literature” is up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “How to Make a Chicken out of Tonsils” is up at Down in the Dingle. [Content Note: It’s work-safe, but it’s not weird-safe.]
My humor piece, “The Secrets of Method Acting as Revealed by Patrick’s Dad from the Norwich Union Commercial” is up at The Haven. Because we all need to revisit one of the most famous commercials ever to come out of Canada.
My humour piece, “Withnail & I & the Universal Laws” is up at Dishonourable Unmentionables. [Content Note: Strong language]
My humor piece, “What Kind of Fruit Are You? Take the Quiz!” is up at How Pants Work.
My humor piece, “Proton Station Nectar: Bottle Cap Facts” is up at MuddyUm.
My humor piece, “Rejected Candy Slogans” is up at Weekly Humorist.
My humor piece, “The Most Important Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Cat” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Crummy Biscuits” is up at MuddyUm.
I won an honorable mention the 2020 Lyttle Lytton Contest.
My humor piece, “Thoughts on Finding a Seven-Foot-Tall Giant Plush Hansa Giraffe in the Mastermind Toys Online Catalogue” is up at Funny-ish. [Content Note: Giraffe]
My humor piece, “Dog Person” is up at The Haven.
My humor piece, “Ace That Job Interview with These Helpful Tips!” is up at Down in the Dingle. [Content Note: Cake]
My humor piece, “The Recursive Recursion List” is up at One Minute Wit.
My humor piece, “I Visited the Most Haunted Village in England: I Didn’t See One Freaking Ghost” is up at Points in Case. [Content Note: Language]
My humor piece, “Meditations on Having One’s Boob Flattened During A Mammogram” is up at The Belladonna Comedy.
My humor piece, “Review of New Food: Post Tim Hortons Timbits Cereal” is up at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
My humor piece, “When Children Try to Write Adult Fiction” is now up at Points in Case.
My humor piece, “How to Race Pigeons Professionally in Your Living Room” is now live at Slackjaw. [Content Note: This is satire, not actual advice.]
My humor piece, “Best-Selling Items from the M.R. James Collectibles Catalogue” is now available in the Infinite Lives: Short Tales of Longevity (print and ebook) anthology from Third Flatiron Publishing . The full Table of Contents is here.
My humor piece, “Birth Control for the Modern Age” is now up at Lady Pieces.
My non-fiction article, “What Women in Science are Really Wearing These Days (Contrary to What Most ‘Women in STEM’ Posters Would Have You Believe Are Always Lab Coats) OR Things That I Have Actually Worn as an Actual Scientist Doing Actual Science” is now up at Defenestration Magazine.
I’m very pleased to announce that I have won a Dishonorable Mention in the 2019 Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest. A complete list of the 2019 winners and dishonorable mentions is here.
I’m delighted to announce that I won an Honorable Mention in the 2019 Wergle Flomp Humor Poetry Contest for my poem “Contingency Plans.” A complete list of winners is here.
My article, “Open Letter to the Picture of the Tomato and Cucumber Salad on my Box of Frozen Breaded Fish Fillets” is up at Pickle Fork.
My article, “TLDR Classic Literature” is up at Queen Mob’s Teahouse. [Content Note: swearing. Also insults some beloved classics.]
I am thrilled to announce that my short story, “The Dormer Trees” is a finalist for the 2019 Baen Fantasy Adventure Award. The full announcement and list of finalists is here.
My humor piece, “Top Five Asexual Positions” is online at Little Old Lady Comedy.
My humor piece, “Take the 2nd Annual IQ Smartass Quiz for a Chance to Win a Free Termite!” is now online at Slackjaw.
“Cow Key” is up at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
My short story, “The River Road, She Rides” was published in the Winter 2019 issue of The New Quarterly.
My instructional article, “Baking for Sadists” is now up at Points in Case. [Content Note: swearing]
My short story “Malleus, Incus, Stapes” was published by Dark Moon Books in the anthology The Five Senses of Horror edited by Eric J. Guignard.
